All I want for christmas is to fall out of love with you

We're going out tonight and I'm terrified. I love you and I love being in your life but being with you and your new girl makes me just, fall a part in side...my head doesn't know why because my head knows this is the way it should be this is right, you two are perfect for eachother. my head is so happy for you my reasoning tells me you two will be so good together she is beautiful and sweet and you're ....well you're just amazing.

but my heart just aches and hurts so much sometimes i cannot even breathe and the room gets so hot and i just have to get up and leave. i wish my heart didn't hurt so much. even when i say i'm happy for you i almost start to cry.... i have tears in my eyes every time we talk about you and her.

this is possibly the hardest thing i've ever done in my life. i abosultely love you. i love talking to you every day i love hearing your voice and your laugh and seeing your smile and just...you. i think you are so beautufiul and wonderful

but i don' tknow if you can be mine. i dont think you'll ever love me as much as I would want you to and I don't think i'd ever be able to make u happy no matter how hard I woudl try i would alway sthink that you caould find someone better and my heart will ache anyways...

I want to be okay that you want her. tonight you told me that you'd rather have me in your life as a friend because we are so close and so good together as friends and hat you'd rather have that then try to date and then we wouldn't be together....

i agree. i would hate for us to date, have it no work out, and then have you not in my life. but....i don't know though if i can live just thinking it wouldn't work and knowing we didnt't try.

I wish I would've asked you why you think it wouldn' work out if we did date. I'm scared of your answer. i'm scared of seeming desparate.

Ironically, I think I asked you this question almost exactly a year ago. You said, 'oh i guess i thought you felt the same way'.

I love you. I'm in love with you. And I wish I didn't.

All I want for Christmas is to fall out of love.